Restaurants

Okay, next time you go out to a restaurant, and the waiter asks you what you want, order exactly what is written on the menu. And be sure to look him right in the eye. Dont say, "I'd like a burger and a glass of water." Say what is written on the menu. Say, "I'd like one of your Emeril's Personal Choice, 100% angus beef, six-ounce patty on one of your own Blue-Ribbon winning, buns with exactly 23 sesame seeds, topped with a slice of Kentucky's finest Grade-A cheddar cheese made from only premium milk and poured from large, galvanized steel cans, having originally been extracted from a big, fat, smelly, champion blue-ribbon cow throught his nipples." And for water, ask for a cyrstal-clear, mountian spring, cold liquid poured into a cylindrical, machine-blown, drinking vessel.

Now if you REALLY want to have fun, ask about the salad bar. Ask them how many times you can go back. If they say, "however many times you want," ask for a lawn bag. Or better yet, come bakc the next day with a small truck. Say that you were not done eating from the night before, because no one is ever technically done eating.

If you are at a fancy restaraunt, send stuff back, it's considered sophisticated. Say something like, "Waiter, this roast pig stuffed with baby seals tasted like the inside of Lance Armstrong's biker shorts. And I'm talking about when he won the Tour de France the first time." If they have a pepper mill, have a little fun. When the waiter says, "Would you like some pepper?" Say, "Yes." And keep him going for ten minutes. If he gives you a look, just smile. Keep him going for another twenty minutes. When he is done, say, "Waiter, this food has too pepper on it."

Antigravity

After many hours of research and scientific study, me and a friend came up with how to make antigravity. Cats always land on their feet, and buttered toast always lands butter side down. Put buttered toast on the back of a cat, and the result is antigravity. Then we thought that if you put sone torque on the cat when you threw it you could get a perpetual corkscrew. Maybe this is the answer for a perpetual motion device.?

Corn ???

Recently, our school was serving its normal brand of generic crap when I noticed that they were selling what they called "Mini Corn Dogs".

So I start thinking like an American, "Isn't there a faster way of saying this???" (I bet you thought I was going to make a fat joke)

After a few minutes of thought I decided a much better name would be Corn Puppies, short sweet and to the point. Not only that, but I think "Corn Puppies" sounds cute, and fresh as opposed to "Mini Corn Dogs" that have grown up and become stale. This went through much debate at my table, but we could not decide so we thought the best way was to take a poll.

This is where you guys come in, "Mini Corn Dogs" or "Corn Puppies"?

If we can get enough people in on this I'm sure it will come up in a Presidential debate.

I can see it now..."So Mrs. Clinton what is your stance on the Corn Dog issue?"

"Well, I think we should waste as much time, money, and energy as possible coming up with a solution to this problem as those are the kind of values we Democrats stand for."

"And you Mr. Obama?"

"I think Mrs, Clinton makes a great point but I have to point out that I am all for change, and I think that Corn Puppies is a wonderful idea. I also think that the American people would be grateful if we could make every Thursday "Corn Puppy Day" just think of the benefits..."

"And now onto global warming..."

So be sure to make your voice heard, I'm sure that politicians could use one more useless thing to argue about on Capital Hill.
Well I'm out like a fat kid playing dodgeball, I'll be sure to post more of my groundbreaking events from my luch table tomorrow.

Corn Puppies 4 Life!!!

the LINKS

Here are all the good sites that i have found you can link to that FHS doesn't block, hopefully that means ur school doesn't block them either. if you have any others that you have found e-mail them to me and i will put them up.

Opera-save to your H-drive. Use proxy setting to get to your favorite sites. If that's too technical for you i'll have my friend write a tutorial to help you out.

miniclip-good for a few games, but i'm not sure if it's still unblocked.

http://mlincoln.wordpress.com/2006/08/28/pyro-sand-game/- just click the link that it gives you to play the falling sand game

I'm also going to be putting game widgets at the bottom of the page that you should be able to play. I'll update if i find anymore sites as it's been awhile since i've been on my school comps.

Crime CAN Pay

A few years ago, everyone knew the phrase that "crime doesn't pay" but it seems that that statement might not have been true after all. Recently, Kelvin Sampson, head coach of IU's Basketball team was removed from his post after it was reported that Sampson had broken NCAA recruiting rules.

A coach known for his values, during the investigation Sampson not only lied to investigators, but was found guilty of cheating. Because of the allegations, IU felt the need to let Sampson go, but not before giving him a $750,000 buyout first. Why? because Sampson had time left on his contract giving him the ability to sue the college if he was let go. Later interviewed Sampson said his decision was "very difficult" but I'm sure that $750,000 made it a lot easier to make.

So let's recap, Sampson cheats, lies about cheating, and instead of getting fired like he should be IU, a statefunded school, gives him $750,000 because his contract wasn't finished. I'm glad to know that instead of going toward scholarships, my tax dollars are going toward giving this rulebreaker a better life. Unfortunately this isn't the first instance of a big payoff for bad behaviour.

Dr. Scott Syverson, former principal of the school I attend, Fishers High School, was stopped by police driving home from a holiday party held by the district's superintendent. Despite failing numorous sobriety tests, including a breathalizer test indicating he was O.1 over the legal limit, Syverson was not arrested, but instead driven home by the officer. Certainly this would set a bad example for children attending high school, and the school eventually decided to let him go. Unfortunately, another contract was present and to avoid charges, the school awarded Syverson $20,000, 1/5 of his salary.

Surely with all this rule breaking, you would expect some sort of punishment, instead we have awarded these people for the crimes they have committed with large sums of money. I don't know about you but this seems like a pretty big loophole that these people have found and yet no one seems to be doing anything about it. I, myself, am outraged that my tax dollars are not going to improving my community but instead helping to give cheaters and drunk drivers a pretty nice present.

So I think it is safe to say that even if you do get caught, crime can have a pretty big payoff, just make sure you have signed a contract first.
The next get rich quick scheme: get a contract, break the law, and get payed by whoever your employer is by threatening to sue.

The Underground Armada

Welcome to the Underground!


Everyday the news reports day to day events, supposedly fair and balanced. Unfortunately, if any of you have noticed, society is tearing itself apart. But being the helpful person that I am, I have decided to take it one step further and shred it to pieces. Luckily, the media has already started the job, I'm just here to sum it up for you all, and try to find the reasoning behind it. This is not as easy of a task as it sounds, as stupidity has become an epidemic in our culture.


Bearing in mind that it's hard to know why stupid people do stupid things, I am asking you all to help me with this task and throw in your own ideas. If you do have a story and a thoughtful explanation, feel free to e-mail it to me so I can post it on here. Include your info that you want me to show so that i can give thanks. Maybe with enough smart ideas, we can crack the mystery of stupid. So for all of you who are willing to help , stay smart, and get ready to rock the world!